The Biggest Loser
Today is Monday, I have just finish my first class…Yet, I can’t seem to remember what had happened just minutes ago…I seem to be floating everywhere…Body one place, mind at another…Or should I say body in the present but mind in the past…When teacher asked us to open up our books, all I see are words that don’t make sense..Words that seem to be useless to express the way I feel now…To express the depressing feeling and the ache I am going through…When I looked in the mirror this morning, I was sure that the girl in the mirror wasn’t me…The image had the word "loser" written all over her…Why can’t I simply win? Why? Why must I be a "loser"? Why do I feel like a loser? It’s horrible, I can’t seem to bring my mind back to the present no matter how much I try. The phrase "Do not cling on when it is clearly over" was useless…I kept on reminding myself yet it would be the same as reminding myself that ET is real…Useless…completely useless…Regret…Now that’s one word I am looking for…Never in my life have I felt a bigger regret than this…I regret it so much that now I am having a phobia of doing it again…My friends tell me not to blame myself…not to find fault in myself…but why is it that all I see is my FAULT? My WEAKNESS? I deserve to be miserable…Sigh…Today, I had trouble getting myself out of bed…Cos all I wanted to lie under the covers, safe from the world, safe from reality and just die…Die in fantasy…That’s what I wanted, but the thought of making my parents disappointed was the only reason I managed to climb out from bed…The only reason that refrained me from jumping back in…Right now, I just feel like taking a bus to far far away…away from everything, away from everyone….I’ll be taking a bus to the city later, and this idea is very appealing…If you guys get news that I am missing, don’t worry…I am just staying with the society that can’t hurt me…can’t hurt my dignity and heart…I’ll be staying with Mr. Kangaroo and Mrs. Koala…I’ll stay there till the "loser" feeling just fades away…Which I am hoping i’ll come back in time to see my sisters graduate…Got to go, my darlings…I’ll see you guys in a few months time…Can’t wait to get out from here…to get out from all my worries and past…I love you all…Do take care…That’s all from the world’s biggest loser…
August 6th, 2006 at 7:08 pm
hey girl!! dun let urself down! stand up again,k? u know u can do it. its just a temp…u can do it! go through it n u will b d best! im always here if u need me,k? love u lots..we are all here. take care n be safe. dun run away..i’ll run to you.
August 7th, 2006 at 5:58 am
Beat..be brave and stand up,ya ? Don’t let d feeling pull you down..u r once a cheerful gal, remember ? Flora send her regards..hehe..She is getting fatter and fatter..got tummy summore..take care pal !!