My E-diary

Today I didn’t go to school because I wasn’t feeling well…So I was stuck at home doing nothing..which is something I haven’t done in a long time…And I don’t like the feeling just staying at home and not doing anything bcos it makes me things that only gets me upset for no reason. Things that I have been trying to forget just came finding their way into my thoughts and making me really upset…The feeling of hurt that I thought was healing came back to me in full swing…The impact on me was so big it almost made me cry in pain…I shouldn’t have stayed home…I should have just gone to school, though wasn’t feeling very good, but it is nothing compared to the way I am hurting… Nothing can beath that hurt feeling..Not even physical pain…Funny how can some ppl be so happy for awhile and then be so different the next moment…U think Da Vinci Code is very hard to break?? To me…the humans mind is the most mysterious, most impossible to crack…Do u know how ur friend is feeling or what is he thinking of you exactly?? Get my point…?

I was chatting with my friends back home and I got the feeling that they are no longer the tight group we once used to be…And that worries me…I mean, I love all of you, but why can’t we be as close as we used to be…We were like one big family…But now…I fear that the family is breaking apart slowly…Breaking apart not as in going away…But the closeness we once had is slowly fading…I don’t want to go back home and find out that my friends have split adi…I love to refresh the closeness we have together…I know that sometimes friends can be annoying and irritating…But hey…that’s what friends do..They annoy and irritate..But don’t forget they make u laugh and are always there for you too…just have some patience for the old time sake…That’s all I am asking of you…That’s all…Not much…I love you all and I can’t bare to see you all unhappy with each other….Take care, darlings…

It’s funny isn’t it, that at one time u’ll feel like the luckiest person alive and suddenly u feel everything has been taken from you and that u feel like life is no longer worth living…Why does some people get what they want even though they are not suppose to have it and not even get any consequences??? And yet some people get something they really want and yet get it taken away from them and they must badly pay for having it?? Why? Isn’t everyone suppose to have their fair share of happiness?? Why one moment u feel like you have everything and the next thing you know…everything is taken away from you…Do you know how that feels?? Does anyone know how that feels??It feels like shit…It feels like all you have is your own shadow walking beside you and nth else…It feels like your heart is going to break because of the pain…It feels like physical pain is so much better…It feels like groping in the dark wif no hope of sight…It feels like you are falling into a bottomless pit…It feels like nth will ever be right again…It feels like you want to turn back time…It feels like how I am feeling now…It hurts…It really really hurts…..

Today..It was freezing…I know, I know…It always is…Then I found out tat my bottled leak…Wetting all my books in the bag…To make things worst…I noticed that I forgot to bring my lab coat..And it is a very strict rule at uni that says that if u don’t have a lab coat…U can’t enter the lab…Great, just wat I needed to make my day more easier…So I decided to buy a new one…I mean, having two lab coats won’t hurt and I can always use it next year…So I went to the store that I bought my lab coat and found out that they ran out of stock already…So I decided to go to a shop which I THOUGHT would sell and this shop is situated on upper campus…I had to walk a long flight of steps…and by the time I got there..I was out of breath adi…But, I turns out I doesn’t sell them…So, I decided to head to the Optometry faculty which is situated in lower campus…Meaning I have to walk down again…So that was wat I did..I felt so certain they would sell them, cos all the students there wears a lab coat…But I turns out I was wrong AGAIN!! I almost died there…Then I decided to go back to class cos it had already started 10 minutes…But b4 that, I tried to check the first store I went to again…What I saw almost made me cry in frustration…I saw that the shop directly opposite was selling plenty of lab coats…Really crappy day I had…The only good thing that came out from this is that I get to excercise…Stupid day…Hope tomorrow won’t be so MALANG….take care, darlings…Thanks for reading….

Hey, dearies…I am just feeling like time is going very fast for me…Dunno how bout u guys, but to me, every week is just shooting pass…I only got 6 more months of sch and then holidays…Before I will know it, I will be able to come home adi:D Hahaha…just can’t wait to step up the plane now…But b4 then, b4 I come back…Please don’t forget me by then…Please don’t be too busy till you forget that you have 2 friends over here that is waiting to come home and dai-b with all of you again…It’ll be like old times again..It’ll like we’ve just gone on a long holiday…Take care, mateys…Don’t stress yourselves too hard, ok…

Sorry for making u guys feel so bad…Guess i was just feeling not very good that day…Like wat we use to say..hormon tak seimbang…I just want you guys to know that no matter how far we are apart..I will never forget u all, even though u might forget me…Bcos everyone of you have been apart of my life, we’ve cried together, smiled together, laugh together, succeeded together, failed together…I thank God, or whoever up there, that blessed me with great friends like you all..I love you all very much, and reading your comments, I sometimes feel like I am able to hear your voice reading it…Spooky isn’t it…Like right now, I am typing this blog, knowing tat my friends will read…I feel like you guys are here with me…reading this as I write…I love you all…Hope you guys know that…Take care, loves….

I just got off the phone with Phoong…Hearing what’s happening back home, makes me feel so left out…Makes me feel like a stranger…Makes me feel like I am losing friends…Makes me feel no longer a player in the group but just a spectator…Makes me realise how boring my damn life here is compared to the interesting life my friends all are having..Makes me feel like I am no longer am one of them…Makes me feel like they are growing apart from me…Makes me hate my self for choosing to come here to study…Makes me realised that I might no longer be who I use to be…Makes me realise that they might not be the same as the time I left home…Makes me feel so lonely…Makes me feel that I have no friends neither here nor back home anymore…Makes me feel so depressed…Makes me feel so helpless bcos I can’t do anything to stop ppl from changing…Makes me feel like wanting to go home….

I was walking home today, and thinking what would it be like if I studied locally…I wouldn’t be walking home now, I wouldn’t be feeling lonely, wouldn’t be missing the local food, woudn’t be washing my own clothes, seeing my family, being with my family and close friends, nvr worry bout running out of money, not struggling in English class….So many cons…I must be crazy coming here to study…Am I? Did i make the right choice when there are so many cons? These thoughts went pass me as I slowly walked home…I was so deep on thought that I didn’t see my answer…bcos that time my answer was walking pass me..She was a girl wearing a graduation robe…Luckily I looked up just intime to see her pass…she was walking with her family..All of them looked so happy for her…I am glad I found the answer…Take care, loves…

Nothing much, really…I was just thinking that this would be my first year not celebrating Mother’s Day wif my mom…Sigh…A bit depressing really…Tomorrow is Sunday, then, Monday *groans*…Black Monday…I don’t wan Monday to come so soon…I am sure whoever is goint to school will agree with me…I want Fri to come adi, and this week’s weekend haven’t even passed yet…Oh, nothing much, really…Just wanna wish all my darlings good luck starting Form 6…TAke care, mates…

Well…as you all know from Genieve’s and my blogs…It’s very "hot" here…Everyday getting out of bed is a challenge bcos the bed always feel like a toaster in the morning. Let me share a few tips with you, darlings…

1. Walking in the cold…don’t walk…run like an anjing gila is chasing you, and if u’re unfit enough, u’ll start to sweat and feel warm..

2. Everytime the wind blows, hide behind every car u see, but make sure the car isn’t reversing first..

3. In every restuarant, don’t ask for cold drinks(sometimes it’s a habit) ask for hot tea…when the tea comes, immediately wrap ur hands on the teapot. Ignore the painful sensation first, bcos as we all learn in Physics….Keseimbangan terma (Equilibrium)

4. Order anything that comes with soup, bcos the steam that come up form the soup not only gives u a facial treatment, keeps ur cheeks thawed so u are able to smile..

5. Whenever u cross the road, look out for buses. If u see one, wait for it to pass u b4 crossing, bcos the exzos smoke is very warm (just cover ur nose, but it really doesn’t matter cos ur nose will be too frozen to smell anything)

6. Everytime u see a big guy, walk behind him (he won’t stink as much as the fatsos in Malaysia) bcos he can be ur wind shield…but don’t follow him till u’ll be accused for stalking

7. Every jacket u wear, tie up the opening of the sleeves with rubber band(though it might be tight, here don’t have "rafia" string) bcos then no air can get in(nor can it get out) Though u might feel silly…think tat u’re warmer than any of those idiots who are pointing and laughing at you.

8.If you are waiting for a car, and there are many cars waiting for ppl too…Just feel free and jump into any car u like…Then make an excuse tat u thought the car was a taxi…The jumping in and out of cars will make u warm

9. Everytime u wear on a jacket, pray(to whoever u like) that the material will suddenly adapt to the weather and a tat u won’t die immediately after stepping out of the house bcos of the cold.

10.Don’t shave forever, bcos as we learn in Bio, fur traps heat…

That’s all for now…I got no more time to wirte more…Have to go to class adi…Follow these tips anywhere where is cold and I ensure u’ll still think u’re in Malaysia…But pls don’t say u’re "orang Malaysia" if you get caught…Take care, darlings…